Pharmacist jokes

A man goes in for an interview for a job as a TV news broadcaster. The interview went quite well but the trouble was he kept winking and stammering.

The interviewer said, "Although you have a lot of the qualities we're looking for, the fact that you keep winking and stammering disqualifies you."

"Oh, that's no problem," said the man. "If I take a couple of aspirin I stop winking and stammering for an hour."

"Show me," said the interviewer.

So the man reached into his pocket. Embarrassingly he pulled out loads of condoms of every variety - ribbed, flavoured, colored and everything before he found the packet of aspirin. He took the aspirin and soon talked perfectly and stopped winking.

The interviewer said, "That's amazing, but I don't think we could employ someone who'd be womanizing all over the country."

"Excuse me!" exclaimed the man, "I'm a happily married man, not a womanizer!"

"Well how do you explain all the condoms, then?" asked the interviewer.

The man replied, "Have you ever gone into a pharmacy, stammering and winking, and asked for a packet of aspirin?"
A front end clerk in a pharmacy has just been admonished by the owner for missing too many sales. "I'm sorry" the boss says "But one more missed sale and your fired"

The next customer that comes in has a terrible cough and asks the problem clerk for help. Unable to recall where the cough remedies are, the nervous clerk points to a bottle of Skilax and says "Here, buy this then go over to our cooler and take all of it with plenty of water".

The customer thanks him and obliges. Finishing his last glass of water, the customer exits the pharmacy. Once outside he stops, takes a few faltering steps, then hugs a telephone pole. The boss, having witnessed the entire scene, approaches the clerk and asks him what he recommended.

"Skilax," says the clerk hesitantly.
"Skilax !" yells the boss. "That won't help a cough!"
"Sure it does," says the clerk. "Look,.. he's afraid to cough."


A duck walks into a pharmacy and says, "You got any duck food?"
"No," says the pharmacist, "we don't sell duck food." The duck leaves.
The duck comes back the next day and says, "You got any duck food?"
"No," says the pharmacist with a frown, "This is a pharmacy. We don't sell duck food." The duck leaves.
The duck comes back the next day. "You got any duck food?"
"Look," screams the pharmacist. "This a pharmacy! We don't sell duck food! We sell medicine! If you come in here tomorrow and ask for duck food, I'm going to nail your little, yellow webbed feet to the floor!" The duck leaves.
The duck comes back the next day. The pharmacist is bristling. The duck asks timidly, "You got any nails?"
"No," says the pharmacist. "This is a pharmacy! We do not sell nails!"
"Good! You got any duck food?" says the duck.

A Man goes into a pharmacy and asks for a vial of Cyanide. The pharmacist, trying to remain professional, asked what he wanted it for.
He answered, "I want to kill my wife."

"I'm sorry Sir," the pharmacist replied, "but you will have to understand under such circumstances I can't sell you any Cyanide."

The guy reaches into his pocket, pulls out his wallet and produces a photo of his ugly wife. The pharmacist blushes and replies, "I am sorry Sir, I didn't realize you had a prescription."


A pharmacist goes to a nursing home to review an elderly customer. As he is sitting there, he notices a bowl of peanuts beside her bed and takes one. As they talk, he can't help himself and eats one after another.

By the time they are through talking, the bowl is empty.

He says, "Ma'am, I'm sorry, but I seem to have eaten all of your peanuts."

"That's okay," she says. "They would have just sat there. Without my teeth, all I can do is suck the chocolate off and put them back.Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of Tampax and proceeded to the checkout counter. The man at the counter asked the older boy, "Son, how old are you?" "Eight," the boy replied. The man continued, "Do you know what these are used for?" The boy replied, "Not exactly, but they aren't for me. They're for him. He's my brother. He's four. We saw on TV that if you use these you would be able to swim and ride a bike. He can't do either one."